Becoming You

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are”
-E.E. Cummings

Each day that passes we’re reminded how quickly time flies and how easy it is to wake up one day realizing the little creature you held, that little “peanut” who was 4 lbs 1 oz. at birth, is now almost as tall as you. She’s wearing your too small t-shirts from times past and waiting for the day she fits into your shoes.

You no longer have to hold her hand. You no longer brush her teeth or her hair. You no longer paint her nails. You no longer pick out her clothes. You no longer arrange her schedule or dates with friends. (She is doing all that on her own). You don’t have to buckle her in. (She now sits beside you in the front). You don’t have to cut her food into tiny pieces. You don’t have to butter her bread. You don’t have to feed her or burp her or push her on the swing. She no longer needs you to catch her when she falls. She will brush herself off and continue on her way. You see this transformation happen right before your eyes and hope you didn’t take any of those moments for granted.

One day she asks you to take her to an orientation at a local Animal Shelter so when Summer arrives she’ll be able to volunteer. She decides the days she wants to work and asks you to drive her those mornings. She works it out with the shelter on her own. She leaves with such confidence with this group of strangers that it surprises you. You are happy she has the tools to tackle this on her own…but are slightly melancholy that she has the tools to tackle this on her own. Then you remind yourself that is what you prepared her to do. You continue to drive her. She closes the passenger door of your car and marches forward to her job. You watch her make new friends wherever she goes and you listen to her bosses praise her hard work. You smile. You don’t take that for granted either.

One day she catches you crying at a Subaru TV commercial that portrays the stages of growing children. You can’t help yourself and she laughs. She asks why these things make you teary eyed. You shrug. She hugs you.

You drop her at parties that start at 4 pm and end at 10 pm. You look at your husband and wonder what to do with your extra time.

These are the stages of your growing girl. You realize you are about to become parents of a teenager. You ask yourself if you are ready for that… if you are prepared. (You’re not). But you will do your best and move forward. You will read statistics on the teenage brain. You will read about pulling back even more. You will bite your tongue when your opinions are strong. You want her to form her own. You let her be…you let her become. You cry at more commercials. You will take her hand when she reaches out to you. You will breathe.

Photo credit: Devin Sarno